Patient (name and address withheld):

My boyfriend of four years loses his cool at the drop of a hat. For instance, he blows his top whenvever he can't reach me over the phone, which of course, is not my fault. Owing to such behaviour, I've started feeling that our relationship is not based on trust. I am confused about what to do in these circumstances. Please help!

Dr. Vatsa:

It could have been a good idea to get a slightly older boyfriend. Four years is kinda too less. Well, but if you don't really wanna go for anyone else, there still are a couple of solutions. To get started, stop dropping hats. Why do you have to wear hats by the way? Are they so cool, eh?

Look girl, being cool is not the onely thing in life. At times you gotta be hot! So please, for rat's sake, don't make his losing cool such a big issue.

And what's wrong in blowing his top? Cummon, he doesn't have boobs right? Let him mess with his top if that's what keeps him calm. And of course it's your fault if he can't reach you on phone when he wants to. You should go ahead and by a new cellphone and get a new sim and keep it 24X7 for him to reach you. Or if this is a costly solution, just keep buying him tops regularly so that he doesn't run short of them. Baby tops come very cheap when bought in bulk.

Your relationship is not based on trust? Of course not. By all means, it is based on your sexual fanatasies of God knows doing what with a four year old baby. You are totally sick. Trust me. If you really are looking for help, you should go to a Church and ask Jesus to wash off your sins. And go get your boy friend of four years admitted to some good school. He will bless you. Jesus shall bless you too.

Never write to me again.

PS: The question was picked from some newspaper's suppliment.