Wishful Thinking

The Question

Consider the following limerick. By using a minimum of 6 and a maximum of 12 more stanzas, complete the story. Follow the rhyme scheme of a-a-b-b-a in all your stanzas.

I wish my wife were dead,
Or I can have her smashed in the head.
I hire a man,
And tell him my plan,
But he elopes with her instead

My answer


I laugh at Ho, the fool of a man.
(May they go, as far as they can)
I celebrate
And wake up till late.
And drink and relax under the fan.


The phone rings and I pick it up.
A lady asks, 'John?'. I say 'yup'.
'A million I'll pay
'For the golden tray'.
As she tells this, I just give up.


'The golden tray, is with me no more.
'But listen mam, I'll find it for sure.
'Give me a day,
'I'll get you the tray'.
She hangs up, I rush out the door.


I know that, the tray is with her.
Bitch of a wife, she's too clever.
I'm on the street,
And a guy I meet
Who comes and asks, 'may I help you sir?'


I show him, a snap of my wife.
'She is Jill, the love of my life.
'We had a fight
'The previous night.
'And she left me, hurt by the strife'


'Have you seen her? Oh tell me please'.
'I saw her with a Chinese'.
(That must be Ho!)
'Where did they go?'
'To the south, from where comes the breeze.'


I rush to the south, in their search.
There they are, entering a church.
'I'll get the tray
'I shouldn't delay.'
I make my move, towards them I lurch.


As I reach them, I kick Ho hard.
'You cheated me you bastard.
'I hired you to kill.
'You eloped with Jill.
'I'll bury you alive, in my backyard'.


I turn to Jill, she is scared a bit.
'My golden tray, bitch where is it?'
'You came all the way
'Just for the tray?'
About the million, I then admit.


'You are such a dumb, hubby couldn't you guess?
'A million for a tray is pure madness!
'Some secret for sure
'I can assure
'The old golden tray does possess.'


'Oh baby you are right', I agree.
'The tray is a lock, let's find its key.
'Forget the past,
'Come hug me fast.
'Together we shall live, just you and me.'


The secret they never stumbled upon,
But they lived with love, dear Jill and John.
No call came again.
Ho left for Spain.
And life went on, and on and on...


The fair-ee tale

The launch

It was 2005 when a news was announced in the mid of June. Emami Ltd had declared the launch of a fairness cream for men, aptly named 'Fair and Handsome'. In the words of the company's director, Emami aimed to gain 20 per cent market share of men's fairness cream in Andhra Pradesh by 2005-2006 and reach out through 30,000 outlets. [news link]


I am sure that six months down the line, Emami is not regretting the launch of Fair and Handsome. We Indians just don't want to be dark. If we are not fair, we are wheatish, but mind you never call us dark.

Tall, dark and handsome? What's that?

It's interesting to wonder, why is it that being Fair is so good and cool and happening? Not just that, what the hell does being fair has to do with being handsome? Look at all these advertisements on TV. The idea that they are propagating is this: it's important to be fair. The case is extreme with girls. Being fair is a big big deal for girls in India. Why? Ever thought so? Why is that we all want to be fair? The girl wants it, the boy wants it. Every damn Indian wants a damn fair skin. Who said men wanted to be tall dark and handsome? At least not in India! No way!


There's one logic behind this mentality and that's fairly simple. Any human being wants to look like and appear as his/her superior. Right? Keeping this in mind, let's talk a little about the history of our country. India was ruled by Aryans and the Afghans and then of course the Britishers for so many years. And these rulers were fair, weren't they? So a fair skin became the symbol of power and prestige and things like that. And that link still holds on.

Who are they today?

The fair rulers are gone but we still have the ad agencies who are keen on convincing us that if we are not fair, we are worth nothing. They are not just the ad agencies. The film industry does the same thing. Most of the film stars do not look like normal people or the common mass. Almost all of them are fairer than an average Indian. But then, these guys who make movies have to sell a product and so they can hardly be blamed. Basically, no one can be blamed. Not even the Emami guys. They are making profits and the Indian Junta are gladly paying for fairness creams and everything is running smoothly. Who the hell has a prblem?

To be fair

Let me be 'fair' as well: I myself got this Fair and Handsome pack, not a very long time ago, though I am sure my skin color will hardly be affected by the cream. The question is of course not how effective the cream is. The question is: why aren't we happy with our skin? And though I can think of an answer and I can write a blog on this, at the end of the day, I do suffer from the same fairness syndrome. Fair enough!


Amitabh Bachchan is in news again. I read this report in Hindu today which said he has been sent a legal notice for posing with a cigar in his mouth for a promotional poster of a soon to be released film Family.

I wonder at times if rules of this kind can ever prevent youth who want to start smoking, from not doing so. There's definitely a big question mark!

Cigarette smoking is injurious to health. Most of us who have ever seen a cigarette packet must have had read this. These statutory warnings intend to produce the same effect as the ban on printed advertisements showing anyone smoking. The intended effect is to prevent the Indian youth from taking up smoking and to make those who smoke quit. I read a book recently called The Tipping Point which among other things, discussed the smoking habits of Americans. One point brought about in the book that really makes a lot of sense is: guys start smoking mostly because of one main reason. They think smoking is cool. It's a case of pure peer effect. Every one wants to be cool. One more great observation by the author was that most of them who smoke are already well aware of the dangers of smoking. Not only that, majority of the smokers in fact over estimated the dangers in one of the surveys conducted. So this whole requirement of a statutory warning on all tobacco product packets is a useless a means to achieve any reduction in the public habit. And I think, the assumption that banning of smoking in print can be any more effective than printing statutory warnings, is hardly true.

One might argue that when the big B himself smokes on screen, isn't he making smoking appear cool? I say, why do you forget he is a non-smoker in real life at the first place? To some extent stars smoking on screen do influence the youngsters but mind you, just 'to some extent'. A ban on print is definitely not a good solution. By imposing a ban on a movie-ad showing a character of the movie smoking, too much of a hindrance is offered to the creators of the movie. Let them show what they want to and let the junta decide if its good or bad. Why bound the aritstic creativity of the actors and the directors? Just for that 'some extent', for which no stastical data was ever quoted by the government while imposing such a ban? This is not fair.

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